Lessons

Recently, my dad had a routine procedure go fine...and then really not fine. He went in for a kidney biopsy and then burst a blood vessel shortly their after, by the time it was detected he was 40/6 or something like that. Later the next day he burst another blood vessel and lost a ton of blood. They had to give him 2 transfusions to save his life and the medical team sprayed some expanding foam into his abdomen to pinch the blood vessels closed, (no clue.) 6 days removed from the initial incident and we are 170/90 and the current goal is discharge with some occupational therapy to get his strength back.

The whole thing has taught me some valuable lessons. Lessons that I hope I can incorporate into my world view. These may not be lessons that get incorporated into everyday life, but on days when the sledding gets tough, and we all have those days, these little nuggets have carried me to this point.

1. Deal with what's in front of you!

Photo details: Christian Joudrey Unsplash.com

I try my best to push important things to the front of the priority line in my everyday life. However that was the first thing to get cut. When life becomes so daunting that your head is spinning, just do the first thing in front of you. Stop prioritizing. Priorities are for people who are enjoying a life of low stress.

Think of it like this:

If you were stranded on an abandoned island. "You" right now, sitting there reading this, you know that you need water, shelter, food. Probably in that order. But when the insurmountable task of survival hits, the "you" right there will forget something, I PROMISE! Just focus on getting yourself up and walking and take it one step at a time. Don't be foolish with your energy and time, but just do the few things you can till you start making headway. Once you have a few things done, build off of those.

2. Emotional Yo-Yo

Photo Details: Tom Selleck Deviantart.com

I was the victim of my own emotions during everything. The fear, the anger, the sadness, the happiness. Seeing my dad get better then worse, then better, then worse again, and now watching him get better, it all has made me feel guilty for crying, made me feel foolish for running out of work like I could do something. 

They say you never know how you will handle an emergency till it happens. It's true-ish. Each day I walked through the hospital door my dad was in stable condition. By the time I would arrive at work the next day there was another emergency.

I had to tell myself this, "Phil, it's okay. Your reactions hurt no one. Work will still be there, you have more tears if you need them." 

I've spent most of my life trying to become as objective as humanly possible. I felt betrayed by my emotions. If you ever find yourself in that place just forgive yourself, you are only human. Had my coworkers or church members called me to task for my neurotic behavior, I'd have laughed at them. What was I suppose to do...be a robot?

3. I am just a dying thief, hoping to be remembered.

My relationship with God has never been more clear to me than right now. So far in my life I've experienced the following milestones.

1. New believer
2. David the man after God's own heart
3. The nomad in the desert
4. (most recently) A thief hoping to be remembered.

Those are all dramatic titles and as concisely as possible I'll expand. As a new believer my lens was filtered by celebration. As a "David" I ate, drank, and slept bible, Jesus, and worship. As the nomad, I just existed. I moved from oasis to oasis. I didn't have hope or joy or peace. I did have faith though. Faith that kept me moving to reach the next oasis.

As the thief, my last 3-4 years have been encapsulated in hope. I have relinquished plans. I have worked at not setting goals (expectations on God.) But I do have hope. I am hopeful that The Chosen One who saved my life in the first place remembers that I was once worthy of salvation. All of this in a spiritual sense, I do have goals and plans in life, but in my walk with God, I have spent a lot of time trying to dictate where God would take me. When life and your plans blow up in your face, it becomes super easy to stop trying to be in control.

Because of that what I cherish mostly right now is hope. Hope of salvation, hope of healing, hope of renewed vision and purpose. And till I see the miracles, I will hope.

When life gets ridiculously stressful it's hard to say what you will learn. But hopefully you will have read this prior to hitting that impossibly rough patch on your path called life. And perhaps my lessons will help you get through your tough time. Be patient with yourself, forgive yourself, and hold onto hope.

With objective love,

Philip B. Jr.